Legacy Church Blog

When Friendly Fire Makes You Bitter...

"Left to itself, the victim narrative becomes the seed for bitterness. It can be a great burden to be sinned against. It's easier to sin and repent than be sinned against." Paul Miller

It’s far more gentle on our souls to damage others, feel conviction, repent, and move forward - than it is to absorb the damage of others. This gets more true the closer the relationship. I can easily absorb the jabs of others from a distance. If I haven’t met my adversary or have only heard their criticism under a social media post, but not so much when they are in my community group, or family, or even marriage. At that point, damage can feel debilitating. I’ve said many times, that the closer the proximity and the deeper the vulnerability, the more we risk the type of damage that will drive us towards bitterness. Consider David’s deep cry...

“For it is not an enemy who taunts me— then I could bear it; it is not an adversary who deals insolently with me— then I could hide from him. But it is you, a man, my equal, my companion, my familiar friend.” Psalm 55:12–13

There is no way you get through this broken landscape of a world without feeling what David feels in this Psalm. No way. And there is no way you can prepare for it. No way you’ll be able to make sense of it. You’ll even be tempted to shield yourself from ever letting it “ever happen again.” This is what bitterness can do. It can destroy and “defile many” (Lamentations 3:19-24) and refuses to be contained to your original adversary. You’ll find it easier to not be vulnerable and “known” than to be laid so bare to only have the same result and hurt again. 

So what do we do? Fix our gaze on who was ultimately laid bare and damaged by those he came to save. The greatest temptation to be bitter ever felt in human history was felt on the cross by Christ. God was laid bare. Naked and mocked. Shamed and rejected. Jesus had cause for resentment, and yet pursued those who would damage him. Our gaze will either be on our open wound, or on God who laid himself vulnerable before creation.  

Why does this matter? We can share our pain with Jesus (to a degree) as friends and lovers share intimate moments. We can experience the damage of a close friend and know that Jesus understands and has cried similar tears. We can walk “in the same shape” of Jesus as those who should have loved him instead killed him. 

As you process how much hurt you’ve been carrying, imagine the freedom offered you for doing worse. Imagine the freedom from the need to be a victim. Imagine the freedom to absorb the hits and yet bless in return. There is a better root than the one of bitterness. Let the gospel root grow in your soul, share the pain with Jesus, feel his embrace as one from an understanding lover, and move forward with confidence; confidence that you’ll be damaged again in the future, and yet Jesus will still faithfully be our portion and delight. We can trust him. 

"Why I'm signing on the dotted line..."

One of the things I’m learning as we implement a formalized church membership (what we call partnership) is how much people absolutely abhor signing their name to things and formalizing a current reality.

“It feels too corporate.” “I don’t know why it’s important.” “It’s not in the Bible.” “I’m already showing up.”

I have heard it all and I realize why most churches just don’t poke the sleeping dog. It seems like too much trouble and even threatens to run folks off. To be honest, it is much easier to just let people show. “Why can’t we all belong?”

We sign our name to thousands of documents in our lifetime to secure anything from homes to cell phone agreements and do it without even reading the contracts most of the time. When it comes to “belonging” to a people of God however, we turn into a conspiracy theorists and feel threatened. It’s an interesting thing to watch.

As I prepped the sermon for this week (5/24/15 “Why I Sign on the Dotted Line...”) something struck me as to how formalizing an already existing reality is something we already do without blinking an eye. When we marry each other and sign a marriage license and vow to love each other, we never feel like a signed covenant cheapens the union or is unnecessary. We are excited to do it because it is a celebration of the love we already have. Church partnership isn’t very different.

As Christians, we are already members of a body we don’t deserve to be in. Jesus is our head and we fit together to nurture and care for each other. This all came by the Gospel’s effect on our lives. We are truly members who cannot lose our membership because the dues were paid by Another.

This is why we use the word “partnership” to formalize the reality that already exists. We know most traditional churches refer to this as ‘membership” which is fine, but we believe that word is empty freight in our culture and is already taken Biblically through salvation. We aren’t trying to be hip, but clear.

Formalizing such a union (church partnership/membership) is a way we can know who we are responsible for as a church AND who we as leaders are responsible for. It also allows church discipline to occur to the glory of God. (See the sermon audio) Without it, we as leaders are unable to love and protect the body and serve it well.

To simply attend and volunteer at a local church without partnership is nothing more than “hedging your bets” as we are ready to extricate ourselves and cancel our “belonging” when it doesn’t fit. It’s saying, “I love this place and love coming, but want to remain a private individual with no responsibility or covering, and covenanting with you guys is too much.” It also reminds me of finally getting a heart tattoo on our arms but not putting a name inside the heart, because the "beloved" might change. 

My question is this, If signing and formalizing a covenant with your local church is too much for you to swallow, what will you be like when the persecution around us gets much hotter? If a signature causes us to balk, what about losing our reputation, or business, or life?

Jesus didn’t die to create a service where people went based on convenience, but to create a church where people were committed to each other and partnered with each other in a covenant. The local church is God’s instrument to change the world and to not partner to one is to be sitting the bench.

Jesus died and rose - we are good to leave the bench now.

Jesus died to glue you into community - you are good to stop being all about the individual

More resources on church membership

Legacy's Covenant Partnership Explanation (and Q&A)

http://www.thegospelcoalition.org/article/submit-to-jesus-submit-to-his-bride

http://www.thegospelcoalition.org/article/i_am_a_church_member

http://www.thegospelcoalition.org/article/the-second-most-important-book-for-every-christian

http://9marks.org/membership-discipline/